even my farts smell like vagina
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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