Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
