i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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