we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
