Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
