Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
