im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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