Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
