Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
