I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
