I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize