why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize