I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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