I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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