high people should be assigned attendants
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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