I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize