ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Barsexuality is the new black.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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