This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She needs sedatives and a leash
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Randomize
