Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
