i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
