I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize