I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize