Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
