If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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