HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
