she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
