My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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