i need an iv and a liver transplant
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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