Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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