Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
