And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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