Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
