just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
