I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
