we're chasing vodka with high fives
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
