He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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