I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
