I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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