never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
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