I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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