The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
