They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
