Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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