Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
