I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
