Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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