What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
