I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize