I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize