i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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