you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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