Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
