So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
