I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
