first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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