There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize