do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
