that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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