my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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