remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
