I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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