it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
