I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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