So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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