Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
