Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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