If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize