Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
