well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
